Internet Filtering

Behaviors By Age

I find the majority of my articles come from my deep well of personal experience as a parent. So it should come as no surprise when I share another one of my stories with you. I had just finished going to the mat with 3 of my children to once again get them out the door in time for school. It was tiring and exasperating. And I realized this was a regular occurence. So where had I missed the boat? After dwelling in this non-productive arena for a while, I decided to change that stinking thinking and approach the idea of what was to be expected from my kids based on how old they are.

With a new direction and drive, and one that didn’t involve blame casting on anyone, I was excited to find out if I was on to something. Immediately grabbed my Total Transformation book, which is never too far away, I began looking for the wisdom on what to expect by age. I use the workbook and the CDs a ton for reference.

There were places that discussed what behavior goes with what age and it was cool, too, to find discussions on consequences and rewards by age, which I will tell you about further on. But what I found that was most intriguing was 7 different parenting roles, yes like acting type roles. And in reading through this, I was astonished to find that this was where I was going to find the answer to change in my morning routine.

The 7 Permissive Parenting Roles

The 7 different roles are Bottomless Pockets, Over-Negotiator, Screamer, Ticket Puncher, Savior, Martyr, and Perfectionist. How enticing…and then not so excited when I realized that I did most of these roles with ease. For the morning ritual, I was The Martyr.

The Martyr’s goal is to eliminate a sad, upset child. So they takover everything for the kid and constantly ask less from them. I recognized these parenting skills(?) in me and I wasn’t thrilled. James Lehman has a way of teaching in a straightforward way. It sounds simple and logical, you know the kind of stuff you need to have. And it is vital to have when things starting getting crazy.

Ok so what about all those things that correspond to age? Behavior, consequence, reward. James Lehman breaks it down this way.

Ages 5-9 – Kids like to still be with their parents and adults. Some independence is beginning to show in their relationship with friends with guidance from parents. Consequences here might encompass early bedtime, removal of electronic toys, and reflection time in their bedroom. Rewarding would be an extended bedtime, point/sticker systems, and getting a break from chores.

Ages 10-14 – Children at this age are just beginning to struggle with a sense of themselves. In addition, they are practicing independence, while still requiring a great deal of parental supervision and support. Connections to peers are becoming primarily important in their lives. Judgment can be poor when an older teen is offered choices and activities. Consequences might be losing TV time, being grounded from activities, or losing phone time. Rewards include use of cell phone, gaining computer time, and getting to choose the food for dinner.

Ages 15-17 – It is imperative that kids this age are striving toward being independent and growing in this area. They are highly involved with their friends and activities that for older teens. You can use anything surrounding vehicle usage and phone/computer time as both rewards and consequences.

This is just the short list of age appropriate behaviors and how to use them in discipline because I picked out the ones that fit my morning “dispute”. Total Transformation has more both of this and the parenting styles too.